Downer
February 24, 2010 by Technominx · Leave a Comment
I find myself on a momentary downer. Of all the things to trigger it – it’s the end of the new episodes of a TV series I’ve been watching! That’s obviously not the cause – it just made me go *hmph* and think about the other things making me feel a bit *hmph* tonight.
Today I was going to join a community choir with a view to performing at the Norwich festival. I though I’d better confirm all the dates etc…and discovered that I have promised my ex a favour on the performance weekend so I can’t do the show. I know there are ohter things I can get stuck into. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn;t dissappointed that I can’t take this opportunity. I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t I wasn’t a little bit cross at myself that it’s a connection to my ex that has scuppered my plans. I genuinely was happy to make the promise. It just seems that every time I commit myself to do something for her it clashes with a lost opportunity. It’s not the first time it’s happened or that i’ve cancelled something important to me to do her a favour. I though that moving would help me break the habit. But clearly distance doesn’t make a difference…
I don’t even know if it’s really this that has me off centre. Southsides production of Strange Orchestra has been cast. It’s killing me finding out in dribs and drabs all the people who have roles. It makes me want to cry because after seeing the show last week I absolutely hate not being there and hate not being involved. I miss my friends very badly. I wish I could move my little flat to London.
There was a Guitar Band event at the pub tonight that I wanted to go to, but I really couldn’t justify spending the money to get there and back, and buy a drink etc. Not when I’m going out tomorrow night, and not without having a job.
I suppose I’m just jealous. I knew I’d miss things and miss out on other things, and I knew it would be difficult financially for a while – so there are no surprises – I’ve actually had a lovely day – I just suppose I got a bit sad for a minute. It’s allowed. I am only human. Actually I’m Ok again now. Sometimes just writing the words makes you realise what a whiny pillock you sound like and how nothing is actually wrong…and that you probably have PMT! 
Enough. I think I’ll try Defying Gravity….
